I miss Caroline.

I just sent this e-mail to Caroline a couple of days ago:

Dearest Caroline.

I miss you.

I miss your doodles on the sides of your notebook. I miss that random blonde highlight in your hair that never got tangled. I miss how when I couldn't tell the difference between left and right, I could shout "Matt!" or "Caroline!" And you'd know what I mean. I miss sleeping with you. Even though you didn't like sleeping with me. I miss your random funny faces. And I miss when you would hum random and pretty things in the other room while I was brushing my teeth. I miss the incredible amount of scarves you produced when I taught you how to crochet. I liked how all the boys in Ghana tried to marry you. Even more than Kelsey, because you wanted to be a teacher. I always wondered what the patch felt like. And you kicked butt at washing dishes. I miss your talks about the environment, and your love for the book "Sex God" (Did you ever secretly want to marry Rob Bell? We all knew how much Lockhart had a teenage-girl like crush on Tony Campolo.) I miss your sermons, and how you were REEEALLY good at playing Apples to Apples. I miss how, whenever we all got into big arguments and horrible two-hour long check-ins (which was pretty much every check-in we did) you were able to calm Josh down while Lockhart and I would sneak out and take pictures of things and this is how I grew to really like photography. I liked how Jacob prophesied that your motion sickness would be cured when you have a kid, except you really don't want to have kids. I don't think I do either. Birthing sounds like a messy process that involves ripping, tearing, sweating, and crying. No thank-you. However, I would like to have sex one day, but not right now. And I still don't feel that great about birth control either, even though a lot of people tell me the pill's a good idea, very close friends of mine have still put forth Natural Family Planning as a very convincing alternative. More so convincing because they're not pregnant. Anyway. I miss your poofy sleeping bag, all of your shirts, and your colorful "happy skirt". I miss your freakishly accurate sense of smell. Lockhart smelled good though. Especially after Paul Fletcher gave him a bottle of Stetson cologne. You could have kicked butt in playing the "pa-diddle" car "one-light on" game that Matt and I always played, but you never played it. I wondered why for a long time, but it never kept me up at night. I miss your very firm handshake. Whenever I hear the word, "Promiscuous", I think of you. And Matt. I like how that one day, that old lady called Matt beautiful because he had beautiful blonde curls, and as soon as she left the room, he said, "Okay I'm getting my hair cut tonight." I miss Matt's patchy mustaches. And how he loved us in a non-sexual way. I miss your Mountain Equipment Co-op packsack. And your big purse, and your bell-bottom jeans.

It's getting late. I thought of you while on the bus this morning, so I wrote this, then I went to Psych of Death and Dying class. Now I'm tired. So I will go to bed. :) Goodnight!

Jessie

This is what she wrote back:

Oh Jessie, I miss you too. I miss Ghana too. The YBs are going in two weeks!

I was thinking about a lot of things to give you in the reply back, hopefully they'll come to mind again....lol.
I miss seeing you type like a maniac, in your weird way that was/is so fast and accurate. I miss learning crocheting techniques from you and having rainbow yarn in the house and van. I miss how you and the team and I would always go to random thrift stores all over Ontario and beyond. I miss fighting with Matt over who we should and shouldn't wave at from the front window. I miss all of the wonderfully creative photographs you and Matt took, and his discovery that he was creative afterall. I miss having someone with me who will challenge me everyday with my preconceptions ;) I miss how I'd go to bed at night without you, and wake up in the middle of the night and you'd be there. I miss good checkins, but I don't really miss the totally intense ones where people were getting hurt etc. I miss the feeling of coming back to the CSL and having a few days to just be and regroup. I miss singing to God with Pastor Jacob before breakfast. I miss how you could remember license plate numbers, and telephone numbers, and amazing seemingly random facts, but couldn't remember peoples' names. I miss listening to you play the piano. I miss Josh talking about the city ;). I miss giving away books to new friends. I miss hearing you sing and laugh at the same time. I miss how you were hopeless at telling your lefts from your rights. I miss how you were not a good driver, but how you kicked butt at learning standard. I miss your neon clothing. I miss balogna games. I miss hearing about saints all the time. I miss how you loved my silly moments. I miss how Matt was so reliable, and if he was late, we knew it was for a good reason. I miss sharing my nightly dreams with you- like the time I dreamdt that you said you loved me but didn't like me, and how that has persisted to this day in our conversations. I love you Jessie, and I like you too. May God bless your day :)- Caroline

This is what I said in return:

O-line,

That made me laugh out loud. :) Do you remember when Matt honked and waved at the high school girls that were stretching for soccer practice? Or the time when Josh preached this huge sermon to Mike about the importance of the environment, then went on to say that he would burn a couch in a bonfire? I remember when Matt and Gordo ran out to chase and shoot a raccoon. Or when Matt and I would shoot that really cheap ceramic statue that said, "Maybe Someday" on the bottom with a bb-gun. And it didn't break. I remember how you guys couldn't believe I didn't know who Brock Wiebe was, because apparently I had sat next to him numerous times at different events. I still don't know who he is, but I'm sure he's a nice person. I remember when we had morning prayers in the hot tub. Or when Matt asked us what we thought about push-up bras. I remember when you talked in your sleep, and you said, "I have a boyfriend!" I also remember when we joined that crew of really nice sports cars in our big old ugly van. I remember Peter. I wonder what he's doing now. I also remember when we shone the spotlight on the boys when they went naked pier jumping, though I'm pretty sure you didn't join us on that one. I remember that one time we had to bring a van full of empties to the beer store, and it took us ages to unload all of those bottles and cans. I remember when you suggested "Uncircumcized Gentiles" as a theme for the year. I remember when we filmed the random horror film that MJ wrote, and the expression on your face when you killed people. I remember when we all thought that Mitchell Peterson had a crush on me. He probably did. Even though he is a wicked pianist and has long hair, I never really reciprocated those feelings, though. I remember getting locked in the bathroom in Pennsylvania, and climbing out the window, across the roof, and down the tree. I remember when we all got our hair braided in Ghana, and you could see Jill's skull, and Kelsey looked like she was wearing a helmet, and I had black hair, but yours looked awesome. I remember how the day trip to Baltimore was the only day in the ENTIRE FLIPPING YEAR that the four of us didn't fight. I remember the times when we went to Timmy Ho's (because that's what Matt called it) and he went through the drive-thru. I always liked it when he asked if they parlez-vous francais-ed, and when they said no, he would say, "Oh good. Neither do I." or the other time when he asked if they took Canadian Tire money, and when they didn't, he said, "Well they do in Newfoundland!" I remember when the Americans would tease us about saying "abowt" with our Canadian accents. I remember, and really miss, Turkey Hill Iced Tea. That stuff was good. I remember how we all got so good at pirating internet from coffee shops. I remember how we would talk about which songs were our make-out songs, and what kind of people we wanted to date. I miss our van conversations. I remember listening to Tony Campolo podcasts, and rap music. I remember how efficient and fast we were at getting things planned and done, and then how long it took the other team to do stuff because they would like, have a pillow fight, or hug each other, or something. I remember the one day where all of us wore matching brown shirts and blue jeans without planning to.

And then, I remember, on the very day that YB ended, one of my friends invited me to the movies, and I said, "I can't stay out too late because Caroline will want to get to bed."

Jessie