January

It's been a good month so far, and a while since I've posted. I've been busy, probably as busy as last semester, but it's been a good kind of busy. I don't feel the same kind of stress and pressure as I did. Here are some stories.

Mike and Mary had a baby! A GIRL! She's beautiful, her name is Ainslie. When I first saw her she was so tiny I didn't realize babies came in such a small size. It's incredible, to see them, and to see her, and I find myself unsure of how to act or be around her. Kind of like it's something so overwhelming and wonderful you're, in a way, moved to awe. It's weird for me to think that potentially, it won't be that long at all before I might have a baby, and that thought for the longest time has terrified me, but now it excites me as well.

Aaron Balzer was back in the area as well, and that greatly excited me. It was a good reminder of the blessing it is to have friends you've shared incredible experiences with, and you can still meet up years later to catch up and enjoy. Those are good friends to have. He, Mat and I went out for bubble tea. It was kind of fun for me to hang out with guys. I love doing that, because sometimes, it's easier than hanging out with girls. Except they were acting kind of girly, but it was hilarious for me. They kept on trying to set me up with different guys, saying things like, "He is GORGEOUS, he is a FOX, and he will woo you, and cook for you!" - I think there must have been something in their bubble tea. :D

I hung out with Angela a lot, which is great. One night I made her risotto - my absolute favorite food. It was my first time making it on my own, and I was a bit scared it would turn out badly but it was perfect. There's always uncertainty not knowing how it will be, or if I had done something wrong, and all I could do was stir it and wait and hope it will come together. I was so glad it did. I met her friend Keith, and we went to a karaoke night. I was quite bad at it, but it was fun. We went rock-climbing the next day, Ange, Janet, Keith and I, and I didn't realize just how INTENSE of a workout rock climbing is. I loved it! I'm definitely going to search for the rumored rock climbing wall at UW and start climbing. Angela has definitely become a close friend in such a short time, and I've grown to appreciate her every time I hang out with her.

I've been doing youth nights too. One night, we went sledding at Mt. Trashmore. Rather, the three boys that came went down and Mike and I shivered on the top of the hill while I kept Mike company and we contemplated calling Dan Cook and arranging a hot tub date. I eventually slid down the hill, and Mike chickened out and just walked down. I'm still in shock that anybody would just WALK down a hill like that. We did laser tag the other night, and surprisingly, I KICKED BUTT. No smack talk. This is the truth. I started winning everything, and somehow, I ended up on top, each time. The only person who beat me was this guy named Jack Bauer (how can I expect to beat Jack Bauer?) but once Jack left...

School started as well. This semester's much better than last semester. I'm taking piano lessons, which I didn't realize is such a staple in my life that I feel sane having it. I have a different teacher though, so it's odd having a piano teacher that is NOT the one I've had for ten years. And the first thing she did was tell me that the entire way and style I have played is completely wrong and that I need to change it. What she says makes sense: building strength from the entirety of the arm rather than just the fingers. But that's a ten-year old habit! That habit's in the double digits! And I have to change it in twelve weeks? Oi.

School also means Becca. I love hanging out with her. She introduced me to one of her friends, this wonderful individual named Alexander, who invited me to his house where we made arguably the best soup I'd ever tasted. Roasted sweet potatoes and roasted carrots, pureed. Roasted garlic, pureed. Roasted onion, chopped. A habenero pepper, pureed. Olive oil, cumin, and rosemary. And quinoa! Oh my goodness. I hope I never forget such an awesome recipe. We talked about community and the importance of it, and they had a lot of views that I'm very passionate about, so I highly enjoyed our conversation. I hope I see them again. A few weeks later, I ended up bumping into them, and they invited me to a party at their place, which I ended up being unable to go to, but apparently they got extraordinarily drunk waiting for me. Well... at least they were happy... :)

School also means work. I like my job a lot though. We're doing a contest about quitting smoking, but there's a category people can sign up for called "Don't Start and Win" where all a person has to do is not start smoking during the period the contest is running. Basically the easiest contest in the world.

I discovered through my classes that I highly enjoy macroeconomics as well, and understand it. This is shocking, because normally, I'm quite bad at math, but somehow, it makes really good sense to me. I have a test on it tomorrow. We will see if I live up to my claim.

I had some interesting revelations too. In one, the very first girl I ever compared myself to showed up at EBC out of the blue. It completely shocked me, and my emotional memory went haywire, as I suddenly recalled fresh feelings of insecurity I thought I had long forgotten about. We started talking, but I felt so awkward: she's a VERY pretty girl, and the whole time I was thinking about this zit that had appeared on my face that morning (what else is new?) I ended up telling her my revelations about license plates: It's quite simple. You can tell if someone has bought a car within the last five years because about ten or more years ago Ontario switched from doing the 3-letter 3-number combination of license plates (i.e. LMR329, my mother's Mazda from when I was a kid) to a four-letter, three-number combination, starting alphabetically. (i.e. ATYE158 which was my mom's license plate before they randomly decided to switch it on the Honda to BDHL874) which brings me to my next point. Five years ago they ran out of A's, so they've moved onto B's, (i.e. BFZD582 which was the license plate for my Saturn) so newer cars have B starting on their license plate. Trucks and larger vans do a four-number two-letter combination (i.e. 3906JA was my dad's Toyota Tacoma's license plate) but I've been so confused, because some cars have a three number three-letter combination, and the font is slightly different on those license plates, and I have no idea what makes those vehicles different from others. It's boggling. Anyway. Feeling awkward because you're around the first girl you've ever felt insecure around so you start talking about freaking license plates... well. I know I'll laugh about it someday.

The other revelation came because Tim and I had or first ever quarrel. Tim's this friend that I play chess with on a regular basis, and I didn't realized we had never quarreled until we did. He said something unintentional and teasing that suddenly brought back an upsetting memory, so I left the room. He felt super badly, and this was the night I left my cellphone at Dan and Mark's place. So when I got it back, I found a pile of missed calls and text messages from him. We went to talk, and made what I now feel has become the... walk down death row. It's really just the walk to Tim Horton's where I go to solve conflicts. It made me realize that I either get into way too may conflicts, or that I get into the same amount of conflicts as everyone else; I just want to confront them and talk them out. He asked me on the way how we should solve it, and I said, "Well, some people like to talk about it right away. Some people like to hold off till we actually get to Tim Horton's, and on the way, we go through this awkward formality of catching up with each other all the while knowing this big looming thing is hanging over our heads. I'm cool either way."

But the whole thing made me realize (somehow) how much and how badly I need to seek encouragement in my life and encouraging people. I actually have writing folders; I start a new one every couple of years or so (so far I have three: one from age 13-15, one for 15-17, and one for 17-now. I start new ones when I feel it's right to) but they are all full to bursting with old letters, ones on paper with permanent creases and faded edges, no longer fresh and sharp, all encouraging letters from all kinds of people from all my adventures. I keep everything, and I look over it and read it often. Those folders are probably the most valuable things I have. Why on earth didn't I think of this sooner!? I guess those "love languages" things have merit to them. So I started talking to people close to me and asking them to do this when I felt it was right to ask. I haven't talked to everyone yet (partly why I'm posting this) but I realized this is huge to me, and would help me tremendously. So. Please. I love encouragement. :)