I'll kick your butt

I like to talk big. It's one of my favorite things in the world to do. Whenever I find myself on the threshold of a competition with a slightly indifferent opponent, disregarding what the nature of the competition is, I will still talk myself so big that it will seem as though I'm a virtuoso in the field.

It will go something like this:

If it's a chess game, I'll talk up, and say how I've never lost a game, and how I am the best chess player I know. I'll tell you about my friend Tim Chester, and how, every week (or sometimes twice a week) we would have a chess game, and how I kicked his butt every single time except for twice (in reality, he kicked beat me every time... except for twice.) I will tell you about the Italian Defense, which is my secret infallible defense tactic, and how it will destroy you, and mangle your pieces INTO THE GROUND. I'll use exciting adjectives such as "destroy" "obliterate" "annihilate" "kill" and my personal favorite, (this never goes out of style... either that, or I'm just lame) "KICK YOUR BUTT!"

This usually gets my opponent riled up. It's funny to watch them get all hot-headed and excited, and I love it when they talk back to me. "Oh yeah? Well you just wait and see. You got another thing comin'!" and they get really intense in the game, and play to the best of their abilities, because to their knowledge, the opponent facing them is formidable, frightening, and the best darn player they'll find themselves up against.

But in reality, I'm usually not good at any competition I find myself in the middle of. At best, I'm mediocre, and I like to challenge the pros. Usually, I lose. But that doesn't stop me. I'll still pretend like I won (to the annoyance of my competitors) I still talk big. Because really, I'll still kick your butt.