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Saturday, July 4, 2009

Plans.

Boy... I am such a romantic. I started writing a story, and this is a chunk of it, but reading it now, it definitely sounds like I'm very much an idealistic, romantic, optimist.

Thing is though, I love it. :)

What is the value of our plans? Everybody makes these plans and ideas, but sometimes, it seems rather silly, or a hindrance to what they really want to do. One time when I was at the dentist, the nurse, as she was sticking sharp things into my mouth, kept on telling me about the things she wished she could have done. As soon as she found out that I went to Africa, she kept on saying how she wished she could have done that, or wished she had taken the opportunity to travel, but she never did it. What would it be like if, when 5:00 rolled around, and her shift was over, instead of driving home to make dinner for the husband and kids, she got home, and dug her passport out of her bedroom drawer? Her husband would come home, and see her in their room, with a big old suitcase sitting on the bed, one of those kinds with white vinyl on the outside, and brass clasps to hold it shut. No wheels. It’s terribly impractical, but of course, they haven’t traveled together anywhere in twenty-five years or more, and in that instance, that was a trip in their old motor home to the Grand Canyon. The only reason she has the passport is because it’s useful to keep that kind of identification in your bedroom drawer.

So he comes in the room and sees her, and she’s still in her dentist-nurse smock, which was a really awful-looking smock, bright blue with red and yellow houses on the fabric, and this puzzles him, so he says,

“Honey, what’s going on? Thinking of going somewhere?”

In his mind, he’s a tiny bit worried, but this is mainly because he forgot why he fell in love with her those many years ago. He loved her adventurous and spontaneous nature, and he was jealous of it. He wished he had the courage she had to jump into any adventure without a backwards glance. But of course, this was thirty or more years ago. Years of working in the dentist’s office to put bread on the table, and years of raising two or three kids have made her forget that important part of herself. But the kids are all gone, and that little conversation her and I had in the dentist’s chair as I paid for her to inflict pain upon me rekindled a long-buried memory.

“Oh, I’m glad you’re back. Nothing to worry about, honey; I’m packing up because I think it’s time we went somewhere.”

“Okay…” At this point, he’s wondering what’s wrong. “Where are you thinking of going?”

“Well, I would really like to go to Africa, but it’s a bit of a process to go. We’d have to apply for our visas, and get the appropriate shots and vaccinations. So I’ll settle for a trip to England. I always wanted to see that big clock tower they have in London. What’s it called again, dear?”

He’s flabbergasted at this point, and almost out of control, he finds the words “Big Ben…” leaving his lips, before he regains some form of composure, and looks at her like she’s one of his daughters about to be grounded, as he tries to reprimand her.

“Now, you can’t just leave like this! What about your job? And we’re going down to visit your parents this weekend. This isn’t good! You can’t just get up and pack up and go!”

“Well, you’re coming with me, right?”

His eyes would be wide. He would be fuming at such a thought. “Come with you! You’re crazy…” He lacks his wife’s vision, and because he’s so caught up in his plans, he’s unable to grasp onto the brilliance of the endeavor she is attempting to take on.

Now, from here, it can go any which way. There is a wide range of possibilities from him completely rejecting her suggestion, to eagerly going with her, to her leaving him behind, to her going back to that dentist’s office tomorrow, back to work as though nothing had ever happened. This is my favorite scenario:

She folds the last of her clothes into that old suitcase, looks at him and says, “Honey, why are you so scared? Did you not always want to go some place like this? Remember when we were young? We dreamed of this sort of adventure. I love you. Come with me, please?”

And he’s going to cry. Oh boy, he will suddenly be taken by surprise by the tears he finds in his tired eyes that haven’t cried in so many years, not since that time they watched the movie where the dog died and he was reminded sharply of the border collie that was his best friend when he grew up. And then, she’s going to come over, and look at him in that way that made his heart pound when they were teenagers, and she’s going to say,

“You know, this suitcase is only half full.”

And with shaking hands, as he ignores the perverted voice of reason screaming in his head, he will find himself folding his shirts into the suitcase while his wife books tickets for the next possible flight they can leave on. This scenario I love, because he has something to overcome, a challenge to surpass, and he has to grab a hold of courage and love to go with that wife of his. I like it because it’s challenging, and through challenge, comes growth.

I suppose the value of our plans is of an ambiguous nature, because they give us that security, but the price we pay is those years missed pursuing those dreams we had when we were younger. I want to be the one who pursues them though, and never find myself tied down by the plans. The plans lift us up; never tie us down, though I know people will disagree with me. There is a time and place for everything, they will protest. And I agree, but the thing is, you should make the plans, and never make plans that control you, or take away your freedom.

1 comments:

Kirstie said...

Hey Jesse, i love this. Almost brought a tear to my eye! I totally am there with you in all the idealistic, romantic, fantastic loving realities which we are able to create! Plans are a tool that many forget are meant to make life easier and more enjoyable. I must remind myself at times of this when I feel roped into all my weekends planned months in advance. I can cancel if something else more in tune with my heart comes along. Because that's how we are happy. We follow our hearts; not our logical minds. Our logical minds help us create the path to follow our hearts! Jump in heart first!
Peace!